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Word Gems 

exploring self-realization, sacred personhood, and full humanity

 


Soulmate, Myself:
The Perfect Mate

Kairissi and Elenchus

 

 

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Kairissi. You once told me that if we got into trouble, if we lost our way during our time on Earth, that you would wait for me… no matter how long it might take, you would wait for me. Are you changing that?

Elenchus. How can I trust you?

K. (silence)

E. I wish I could choose to be in love with another girl… I wish I had the right to choose… There’s a girl we know… She would be the “perfect resume” for me. Not only is she beautiful, but she’s talented and artistic, a sensitive and sweet spirit; and she’s very smart and interested in the subjects important to me. And though I've never pursued her, I know she has feelings for me – I’ve heard it in her voice.

K. (softly) Why don’t you pursue her?

E. I’ve imagined what it would be like… a kind of thought-experiment. On the surface of life, her “perfect resume” would seem to make her the “perfect mate” for me, the perfect lover. We’d score a “100% match” on the “e-harmony” questionnaire. She is more like me, on the surface of life, than any girl I’ve ever known. It’s not possible not to love a beautiful, sweet, and smart girl like that. And I do love her; but… not enough.

K. (silence)

E. In my thought-experiment, I imagine us together, and in the beginning it’s more than wonderful as she offers everything I imagine that I want. But, as I extend this vision of marriage, I realize that eventually I’d “hit a wall.”

K. What do you mean?

E. After the initial thrill of being with this ultra-beautiful and smart girl, one with whom I’d share a one-to-one correspondence of all major personality traits and interests, I realize that, while I do love her, and would love her, I wouldn’t be able to feel as deeply for her, in my deepest heart and person, as I’d like to feel. I’d “hit a wall” in my desire to be close to her. I wouldn’t be able to break through that wall. She’d soon realize this and sense “the distance,” and this would hurt her, and our relationship.

K. (silence)

E. All of this is bad enough, but here’s the worst thing. I’d be with a girl who’d be my “perfect choice,” the “perfect resume” – the girl who, at the surface of life, would offer me everything I’d always imagined I want from a “perfect mate.” And in the midst of all this bounty, not only would I begin to sense “the distance” with her, but, far worse, and so maddeningly, I would begin to miss you – you, the girl who was vicious to me. And that makes me really angry. I don’t want to be forced to love you.

K. (sighing)

K. It seems that, in times past, when you said you loved me, I can take little credit for this.

E. (silence)

K. I don’t want you to feel forced to love me. If we are Twins, then our souls were calibrated to resonate and harmonize, but, even so, we are not required to be together. We could live apart. If you choose to, you wouldn’t have to see me again – as you say, in this world or the next.

E. That makes me angry, too, as we both know we can’t just be with another “pretty face.” No matter how perfect the “e-harmony match-up,” we’d always end up “hitting the wall” with someone else. But I don’t want to live alone. I don’t want to face life alone. I want a companion to share everything with. I want to love someone, “truly, madly, deeply.” But I don’t trust you… you are a vicious person behind your mask.

K. (silence)

E. I have tried to forget what happened. I have tried to concentrate on the feelings of harmony that we do share, that our souls share, and… I’ll be ok for a while, but then the old images of what you did come back to haunt me. I can’t seem to shake those bad images.

K. (softly) I don’t want to give you a “sermon,” Elenchus. You have pondered these things for years, and you know all the answers.

E. (sighing)

K. And I know that you’ve tried to forgive me, but you’ve not been able to. Day Star and Big Water spoke to us about the danger of the “betrayal lesson,” and now it’s starting to overwhelm us.

E. (silence)

K. Do you remember that night before we came to the Earth when we lay in bed and you were so burdened with the concept of “I thank thee Lord that I am not like other men”?

E. (silence)

K. I know you remember, it bothered you so much. Elenchus, I cannot make you love me or forgive me, but even if we cannot build a life together, I don’t want you to suffer, and I don’t want you to hurt yourself.

E. (silence)

K. I know that I was vicious to you, and I know that in my earlier years I was often an angry person. People can fall into a bad habit of using anger to try to get what they want from others and from life. It’s dysfunctional, of course. Your character, in the main, has been better than mine. I’ve often idealized you as my “soldier boy,” a person of fortitude and determination to do the right thing. But, we know… Lateece warned us… that the “madness maddened” can afflict anyone. In your present anger, Elenchus, I perceive that if you do not right yourself soon, you run the risk of becoming a “posterboy” for “I thank thee Lord that I am not like other men” … your danger is that of taking on a settled state of angry mind… and soon you might be in a worse position than I, the one you condemn.

E. (sighing)

K. I know we love each other. In times past, you’ve teased me about my “wild streak” of passion, my “extreme delight” in being with you; but you have your own “wild streak” for me… I know this… I’ve been taken aback by how much you feel for me, and how much you want me… and this is the level of passion that you could never experience with another, not even with a “perfect resume” girl.

E. (silence)

K. Only forgiveness can save us. The author has written about this, but we know how it works. It’s not a gritting of the teeth, a burst of willpower, just saying the words “I forgive you.” We know that only a shift in consciousness will heal our spirits. We have to see ourselves as part of the continuum of all humankind, each one of us, if sufficiently provoked, capable of any sin or crime.

 

'we are the world, we are society'

Very often, Krishnamurti would caution his audiences against blaming others, seeing ourselves as "above." It's not easy to stand down as there’s much aspersion to cast. Right now, we witness the world marching toward totalitarianism, to a degree not seen since the days prior to World War II. Many of us are angry, and we want to believe that if we could just get rid of “the bad guys,” the ones causing all the trouble, then life would be good for all of us “good guys.” But this is illusion.

The seeds of evil, not always unsprouted, reside within each of us. If sufficiently provoked, if blinded to the light within, each person is capable of any atrocity, any brutality, and more, that we’ve seen in history.

the seeds of evil

Star Trek: Next Generation, episode "Violations"

"No one can deny that the seeds of violence remain within each of us. We must recognize that - because that violence is capable of consuming each of us."

In other words, “We are the world. We are society.” We are not exempt, as we too reflect the human condition, and we take the vectors of perdition with us wherever we go. And until we learn to “go within” to access the inner light, there will be no peace and happiness; not on an individual basis nor for the world.

See the Krishnamurti page and especially his "summary" discourse.

 

 

K. Oh, Elenchus, viciousness toward one’s mate is madness indeed. You are the boy I always wanted and dreamed about. And yet, in my own “madness,” I did exactly what I didn’t want to do.

 


Storms
Stevie Nicks

every night that goes between, I feel a little less, as you slowly go away from me, this is only another death, every night you do not come, your softness fades away…

every hour of fear I spend, my body tries to cry, living through each empty night, a deadly calm inside…

and in those years of lifetimes past, I did not deal with you, I know, though the love has always been, so I search to find an answer there, so I can truly win...

every hour of fear I spend, my body tries to cry, living through each empty night, a deadly calm inside…

so I try to say goodbye my friend, I'd like to leave you with something more, I’ve never ever been any blue calm sea, I’ve always been a storm, always been a storm, always been a storm, I have always been a storm...

I loved you from the start… storms… and not all the prayers in the world could save us… storms…


 "O My Lost! I sweep aside the rubble of our years to see you clear of their shadow." Walter Benton